Bereavement

What you need to know

• Tip 1

  How does it affect you?

  People react in different way to loss. Anxiety and helplessness often come first. Anger is also common, including feeling angry at someone who has died for "leaving you behind". Sadness often comes later.

  Feelings like these are a natural part of the grieving process. Knowing that they are common may help them seem more normal. It's also important to know that they will pass.

  Some people take a lot longer than others to recover. Some need help from a counsellor or therapist or their GP.

  But you will eventually come to terms with your loss, and the intense feeling will subside.

• Tip 2

  How to cope with grief and loss:

   

  There's no instant fix. You might feel affected every day for about a year to 18 months after a major loss. But after this time the grief is less likely to be at the forefront of your mind.

  There are practical things you can do to get through a time of bereavement or loss:

  Express yourself. Talking is often a good way to soothe painful emotions. Talking to a friend, family member, health professional or counsellor can begin the healing process.

  Allow yourself to feel sad. It's a healthy part of the grieving process.

  Keep your routine up. Keeping up simple things like walking the dog can help.

  Sleep. Emotional strain can make you very tired. If you're having trouble sleeping, see your GP.

  Eat healthily. A healthy, well-balanced diet will help you cope.

  Avoid things that "numb" the pain, such as alcohol. It will make you feel worse one the numbness wears off.

  Go to counselling if it feels right for you - but perhaps not straight away. Counselling may be more useful after a couple of weeks or months. Only you will know when you're ready.

• Tip 3

  Need help right now?

  NHS 111

  Samaritans

   

  Want to talk to someone?

  Sands helpline 0808 164 3332 Monday to Friday 9.30-5.30 Tuesday and Thursday 9.30 am-9.30 pm

  Griefchat on Sands website run by trained bereavement counsellors Monday to Friday 9-9 can be emailed outside of these hours . Click on your nearest SANDS group for more support and guidance.  If you are not sure which is nearest, you can use the search function on the SANDS website here.

   

  Farnborough 

  Southampton 

  Portsmouth and Chichester

  Isle of Wight

  Bournemouth and Poole

   

  Want to talk to other women and families who have been through it? Search #SandsImpact to view their online community where you can talk to other bereaved families. It also offers support for extended family members

   

  Want to read more about it?

  Miscarriage Association

  Tommys has lots of resources to support you after miscarriage and baby loss

   

  Consider seeking help if any of the following apply to you:

  You don't feel able to cope with overwhelming emotions or daily life

  The intense emotions are not subsiding

  You're not sleeping

  You have symptoms of depression and/or anxiety

  Your relationships are suffering

  You're having sexual problems

  You're becoming accident-prone

  You're caring for someone who isn't coping well

  You can't get out of bed

  You neglect yourself or your family - for example, you don't eat properly

  You feel you can't go on without the person you've lost

  The emotion is so intense it's affecting the rest of your life - for example, you can't face going to work or you're taking your anger out on someone else

   

  Your GP may also be a good place to start. They can give you advice about other support services, refer you to a counsellor, or prescribe medication if needed. Or, you can contact support organisations directly, such as Cruse Bereavement Care (0808 808 1677) or Samaritans (116 123).

  Some people turn to alcohol or drugs during difficult times. Get help cutting down on alcohol, or see the Frank website for information on drugs